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vickys_ficsTitle: Pillow Talk
Fandom : Star Trek XI / Star Trek Reboots
Pairing: Spock/Uhura to Uhura/Kirk
Words: 354
Rating: T for implied sex.
Disclaimer: This is a breakup fic and mentions a previous relationship of one of the characters. I wrote this as therapy. I’ve been dealing with a cold Vulcanlike ex who identified with Spock and called me his Uhura.
Summary: Pillow talk. Whispers. Lovers in the afterglow.
Ao3:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/24155788
FF.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13583001/1/Pillow-Talk
——
“How does it feel? You’ve dated a Vulcan for years.” A gentle voice questioned as he laid in the bed beside her.
“Half” She corrected while sitting up next to his naked body. His lower half under the covers.
“Regardless.” He replied.
She looked down towards his chest and sighed. She then laid down and rested her head upon it. The gentle beat of his heart was soothing. “I hate to admit it, but it feels good. Being with you feels good. When I see you, when you see me, you smile. YOu’re happy to see me. You don’t hide it. I don’t have to translate or read you. I dont have to guess or assume. It’s nice. It really is. Your emotions, you show them. It......it feels good. You hug me when you see me. You touch my hand.....even in public. You hold my hand as if you’re not afraid to show me in public or be seen with me. People know about me. They know about us. I never had that with him. Couldn’t get that with him.”
He gently brushed her dark hair from her shoulder. He ran his fingers down her back. Loving the contact. Loving to touch. “I don’t know how you did it. Being with him.”
She looked up towards the ceiling. “Being a Xenolinguist helped. Understanding different languages. I was able to read him, understand him. Translate him I guess. Decipher him. But he....Spock, had no interest in his emotions, his human side. More efficient to be a robot, to be cold, dead, emotionless. After a while, I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Deal with him anymore. The feeling of being alone even though I had him. But you.....” She placed a small kiss upon his pale chest. “You’re so warm. Not just to the touch but personality. It’s nice, having a man tell me how he feels vs having to pry emotion out of him like pulling teeth. I love how you love me.” She replied.
“Nyota.” He whispered softly and kissed her forehead.
She smiled and replied. “Jim.”
END
A/N: I wrote this as therapy for myself. I, a black woman have dated many white guys who seemingly identify with Spock. They would say I’m the Uhura to their Spock. It’s because they knew my love of the series, the characters and two awesome nerdy characters that reflect my relationship dynamics.
Yet they also identified with Spock and Vulcans because these men didn’t show or express emotion after some time in the relationships. They were cold, robotic and after a while Vulcan-like was NOT a good thing to me. None of them were like that in the beginning. I wouldn’t have gotten involved.
When rewatching the reboot movies, I would see Spock and now see THEM, get reminded of them. My exes. These narcs, these gaslighters with Narcisstic Personality Disorder, these toxic relationships, these abusers. These men who silent treat, who ghost, who neglect. Men who use silence and shutting down and not talking as problem solving.
Spock/Uhura. A ship I fought for and would go down with. A ship I got into drama about because I, who multiships het and slash (and wrote fics for Kirk/Spock, Kirk/McCoy, Spock/McCoy, Kirk/Spock/McCoy, Nero/Ayel) placed comment in the livejournal KS comm about the SU bashing. Reminding them that there are people in here who like both het and slash and how that’s not cool. Them saying I’m saying they can’t talk about KS in a KS comm and other made up bs (cannedbonbon being their leader which is why I stopped following their work. I used to fave their work on dA, LJ, tumblr and reposted whenever I could and was a huge fan until they misinterpreted my comments and started drama).
A ship where because I talked like that, had KS people (mainly Cans followers who took their word claiming I said they cant ship KS when English is not their first language and like I said, misinterpreted my whole comment) drive me out of fandom. I didn’t want to deal with their toxicity.
Dealing with that drama. Seeing anti Uhura in the SU tags on tumblr. Seeing break up fics tagged SU only to be some anti SU fic full of bashing to make KS happen. KS people commenting on my fics saying it was good except that it was SU. The flying monkeys talking about my SU posts on a friends only LJ comm just to stir up more drama. I just left fandom and the ship I defended so hard. Stopped writing and left tumblr because the ST fandom is so toxic. It was old fan vs new fan. How you’re not a fan if you like the reboots and all of that. Then the KS vs SU mess. I just left. That was years ago.
When I rewatch the movies I feel sorry for Uhura. Wondering how she did it. How in the second movie she almost didn’t. In that movie she got it wrong. In all of my stories, my Spock was always more human with her and towards her. A side others did not see. That’s how I wrote him. In my eyes that’s why she fell for him. Those men, I got pieces of their humanity. With those men, I didn’t get it wrong. They were just numb. Wanted to be numb.
I had one break up with me because he was used to being numb and because I made him feel, he didn’t like it. He told me that. Told me that he wasn’t used to it. Sadness, Anger. He told me it was easier just being numb. So I was discarded. With all these guys emotion only seemed to come out when angered. Remind you of someone?
It’s not like I went “Oh you seem emotionally distant. I want to date you.” Human to get the girl. Vulcan once they got the girl. Now, I can’t look at my favorite ship without thinking of my exes. Now I don’t ship it. Not due to hate for them. It’s the association. I see Spock now and get sad and angry because I now associate him with my exes. My most recent ex made me just be done with Vulcans. Another guy in a line of 4 saying they were the Spock to my Uhura. That I am their Uhura. Technically 3 because if the reboot came out in the 90s, my one ex would have said he was Spock too.
I want someone more human. Maybe just plain human and that is why I wrote this. I wanted to see Uhura with someone with more emotion. Wanted her to feel what I’ve been denied. I hate this new association.
